31. 2018Whew! We made it! If I never have another year like that it’ll still be too soon. I’ve been busy. I knocked out almost 30 hours of work in 3 days. I also learned that I can most definitely exceed the limits of my medication and sounding like a 5 year old and my best bobbing bird imitation is right on the other side of that limit line. So I have to be more moderate in what I do and make sure I get enough sack time. Not that I’m all that wild and crazy. I went and saw Aquaman and then went to a quiet church dinner (my oldest and her hubby are associate pastors so I have to put up with some church) and that was enough to bring out the bobbing bird and Aphasia. Yep, the rowdy days are gone.There’s this tank of something in my brain and while it’s full I’m fine but once it runs out I’m in trouble. I wish I knew what it was so I could focus on it and make sure I stayed tanked up. I was doing really well until I did that overtime. Between it and the family holiday schedule I’m ok. "Mom and Dad don't trust me anymore. I can see it in there eyes. They think I'm either lying or crazy. I don't blame them. I'm not sure if they aren't right. I can't sleep anymore. I stare across the room at that closet and wait for the eyes. Mom doesn't see them, she thinks I want attention and Dad's decided that I'm trying to get away with something. And then there's David. How could I have thought that he really loved me. I think about death, diary, all the time. I think that maybe that's the only way that I'll be safe from him."The last entry was dated on Halloween night. The night that the murders had happened. One year ago tonight. The thought gave me a start. I knew about the murders. Anyone who read the papers or watched TV had at least heard of the name Saint and had some idea of what had happened. I knew the family had been brutally slaughtered. The realty agency I worked for had hired the cleaners to come in and I'd been sent the first day to let them in. I'd had a glimpse.
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